I have been trapped in my room due to the enormous storm that has hit Santa Cruz. Since rain is nothing new here, i usually brave the weather and go out. But this storm is just too strong. If there are branches breaking from the wind and rain, i think thats a clue to stay the hell inside. So I am and although i was going to use this time off to finish up some Christmas shopping, im kinda glad to be just laying in bed, still in my pj's even though its almost 4 and just listiening to Billie Holliday. Life is great. Now I can catch up on making my blanket, reading, and just my usual laying around. Now if i just had a Mexican Mocha Id be set. But like I said, im staying inside, where its warm and dry. I am the only person on my floor right now, most of my kids swore that Id miss them, and althought the thought of people is comforting, I am not as loneley as everyone said I would be. So one of my charished characteristics pays off in more then one way. I do really love to be alone. I would rather go out alone, watch movies alone and shop alone. I want to travel alone but unfortunately my parents are ridgidly against it. So although I know many people who wont even go to the dining hall alone, I am quiet the opposite and enjoy my own company. But as I have come to notice, there are many sides to me. Not that i have multiple personalities, but that there are different aspects to my personality that come and go. But is seems to be induced by my surroundings. When im home, all I want to do is to be around with my SD buddies and my family. When Im here alone, all I want to do is be alone. Hmm. The brain is very tricky. Maybe im just good at adjusting to things that just cant be helped. Ok, im babbling. Anyways, got my grades back. I passesed Calculus!!!! HaHa!! And I got a B in bio and a B+ in sociology, pretty good if you ask me, even thougth i was hoping for an A in sociology, a B+ will due. Ahh, now just imagine what I could do if I just studied as much as I should. Ok, well just thought Id check in. Ill be home on Monday, cant wait. Hope all is well with everyone, and for those still doing finals, may the Force be with you. Love Ya!!!


".....who will buy, who would like to sample my supply, whose prepared to pay the price, for a trip to paradise,........ love for sale"

Ahhhhh. There is not a more gratifying feeling then finishing your finals and having nothing better to do then lay around. Unfortunately, even though my finals finished yesterday, I have been barely able to enjoy the extra time. My crazy life does not get any better with school over, for there are many aspects that are still in full force even after the last test. The RA gig turned into overdrive at the worst possiple time.....finals week.....but knowing this when I signed up for the job, I took it like a the rock that I am and managed to solve the dilema and manage to squeak by on my finals. And of course there is my second job, my research. I just happened to finish the biggest part of my experiment this week, which means for the past 3 weeks I have been mating my vibrio and e. coli, transfering the results to over 200 plates and picking 3000 colonies to create my mutant library. Mind you there is lot of backround work to this, like making media, washing over 200 pieces of velvet and counting 5447 colonies which came from this experiment. But now, i have my thesis, I have 150 different colonial morphology mutants of the rugose form of V.cholerea. So now is the data collecting process, which happened today,consisting of about 80 drawings of different colonies and there is still more to do. But of course all work and no play makes Selena a dull girl, which in my case isnt true. Being a part of all these things has its perks. I had an E-tox dept. Christmas party which was followed by a Res. Life Christmas party in which during the White Elephant gift exchange I recived a stolen "Drama" sign from the drama building.Hmmm, Im still debating if I should hang that up seeing as how I dont want to get in trouble for vandalizing the drama building. RA's set such good examples . In regards to RA perks, I got an anonymous gift that was left on my door. Seeing as how the note read " Until you get the real one" and opened it to find the Spiderman DVD and a Spiderman calender, I can only guess that this is from my kids. Why would I assume this? Well at breakfast one time I remember telling my kids that I would like a guy who wouldnt mind dressing up as Spiderman. This was a totally innocent request, so all you dirty minded people, get your head out of the gutter! I remember only saying this to them, so that is why i think, one or a few of them did this. Anyways, it made my day, and will make my vacation. Although sometimes i feel like throwing some of them off the balcony, I really do love all my kids. Well I am staying here for another week to do more data collecting and to work on my research paper, so I will not just be lying around like I would be if I was home. SD buddies, i will be home soon. Cant wait. But for now I am destined to wander the halls alone, trying to keep myself from being afraid of the haunted dorms, and working my butt off. Everyone good luck on finals. I will see you soon!!!!!

".....there's beauty in the breakdown..."

There are only two ways to get me to shut up. Kissing and listening to oldies.The first is obvious, but seldom used. Oldies on the other hand has become a favorite weapon of my friend Gabe, who constantly tells me that I " talk too damn much". Thus, he has recently downloaded a bunch of my favorites onto my computer, which secures a peaceful lunch when he makes his tuesday visit. I dont know why this type of music has the effect it does. Maybe it makes me think of my dad, who got me hooked in the first place. Or maybe its just the beat and the truthfulness that comes from the lyrics. Whatever it is, I am a slave to oldies and find myself in a dream like trance listening to it. So Gabe, even thought I know this is your way of getting me to quit talking, thank you. The following song has been dear to my heart for many years, for many reasons. Enjoy!!

If you want something to play with /go and find yourself a toy/ baby my time is too expensive/ and im not a little boy/ if you are serious/ dont play with my heart it makes me furious/ but if you want me to love you then baby i will /girl you know i will/ tell it like it is/ dont be ashamed/ let you conscious be your guide/ i know deep down inside of me/ i beleive you love me/ foregt you foolish pride/ life is too short/ to have sorrow/ you may be here today/ and gone tomorrow/ you might as well / get what you want/ so go on and live/ baby go on an live/ tell it like it is/ im nothing to play with/ got an find you self a toy/ tell it like it is/ my time is too expensive / and im not you little boy.

Aaron Neville- Tell it Like it Is

On to another topic I am very mad at myself becuase I stayed up to see the meteor shower on tuesday and didnt make a single wish. I mush have been delirious with cold and sickness, but still, not one single wish! But i think that the stars knew what I wanted becuase I passed my math test!!!!! So despide my raging fever and runny nose, I am in a celebatory mood. So my once "I hate school" attitude has switched to "I dislike school", which is a big improvement, believe me. So there is really only 4 more days of classes and then finals, so Im not so bitter anymore. Unfortunately, since my school doesnt do anything practiacl, I have 2 finals the monday after Thanksgiving, which means I am staying here to study and dream of being compleately stuffed. But I get paid in Safeway money for being "RA for a day", so im gonna go get me some food!!! Well I hope all of you are well, I must leave to finish up some of my hw so i can take my Nyquil and peace out for then night. Love you!


"....just look to your soul, and open your mind..."

One more day to study till the big Math test. I feel confident but im scared because thats how i felt before and we all know that it didnt work out that way. I dont think Ive studied this hard for math. Probably because I always get frustrated to much. Math is the only subject that I lothe beyond any other entity on this planet. I have a deep rooted hatred for this subject. Ever since long division, I have shuttered at the mention of math. Yes, even at an early age, math tourmented my soul. But if I pass this class, it will be the last math class I will ever have to take, ending the vicious journey I have endured for so long. Yes, althought physics still lurks in the horizen, it will not be categorized under Math in the schedual of classes. To all of those who are horrible at math, my heart goes out to you. To those of you who are good at it, well, I am so desperate that I could see myself inventing a way of sucking out all you your brain and using your ability to think mathmatically to my advantage. Dont ask me how I could accomplish this, I really havent thought of it till now, but belive me, Id find a way. So everyone, dust of the good ol' Selena shrine, light some scented candles (vanilla perferably) and start the chanting. I am going to need every kind of power to get me through this class. I hope everyone is doing better then I am in there classes, you are in my heart if not. Good luck to everyone. And when the going gets tough, rememeber, Christmas break is almost here!!
"... I know my calculus, U + Me = Us..."

Hola!! I have office duty here at Res Life and since I picked the greatest time, there is not a single person here to bother me. So instead of studying for my midterm tomorrow, im taking advatage of the unlimited office supplies I have at my disposal. Amyways, my point is this. I was sitting in my classical sociological theory section talking about Weber and Universtiy learning. This may not make much sense to most of you, but believe me, its relevent. Anyways, we were talking about how the traditional style of learning sucks and how we would much rather be out actually learning stuff then just memorizing everything when later, all that we learned would ( for all you ochem people) would become leaving groups, making way for the next pile of junk we need to store in our short term memory. Now since I have started my research, my feelings for school have become less then luckwarm. Truthfully, I HATE IT!!! My classes couldnt even keep a vegetable happy. For those of you who dont know, I am master of Vibrio cholerea . I have learned more in the few months that Ive been around then I think ive learned in all 3 of my classes. I hate leaving to go to class or missing something because of class. So we are stuck in an "iorn cage" of American education, and there really isnt anything to do about it. Yuck. Oh and for all of you SC buddies, its the first rain today,come snag a spot on the balcony, because the naked people are coming tonight!!!

I thought this would be appropriate considering the weather:
"....and I wont be your winter..."

Yesterday, I had the most amazing conversation with J. I have never felt so alive as I did talking with him about life, love and all the little things that make us tick. Although his outlook on life is very pessimistic, its full of passion and I was so turned on mentally that my eyes constantly teared up . All I could think of was how amazing he was, and how much more I liked him. I just wanted to pick apart his brain, wanted him to talk more and more, about what it is to be alive. It awakened me, shook me up, It made me want to sing and to read poetry and books, to learn all there is to learn about everything in this world. I realize how sheltered I am and how much I really dont know. I thought of Pinero, listening to him. I could feel the words, I could hear the music, feel the passion. Never before have I felt that way. Both my mind and body were aroused by this boy, who although agreed with his negative views, now wishes to go back to being innocent. Wonderful. I will never forget that day, I will never forget how I felt and I will never forget him.

Two quotes are neccessary for this entry:

"....to love is eternal innocence
And the only innocence is not to think" - Fernando Pessoa

"...like patience, passion comes from the latin root pati . It does not mean to flow with exuberance. It means to suffer." - Mark Danielewski

Seeing as how in the past two years a war zone has been made of this campus, i have come up with ways to coop with the noise, the destruction and the really horrible detours we have to endure. With the coming of "fog" it has made the dirt moist, releasing one of my most favorite smells, wet dirt. Yes, I know Im a little on the odd side, but when you see a hundred or so year old redwood have an untimely death, you try to make the best of the situation. I have not become a hippie nazi,( although I have been characterized as "hippie goth") I just think it a really horrible thing to watch a tree fall at the hands of a power saw. Plus since I work near one of the "zones of death" its hard not to turn bitter when its noisey, they hit a gas pipe and I cant do replica plating, there is fungus growing on my agar because there is junk flying all over the place. Danm the construction!!! Ok, well my bitterness is fading since im gonna start packing to go home!!!!! Plus I am taking a night off and am vegging, letting all my hw, research researching and RA business pile up into an uncontrollable mess, my favorite to tackle. Ok, its time to wish I was Cat Womens daughter. Ha Ha!

You shall be my roots
I will be your shade
Though the sun burns my leaves
You shall quence my thirst ....

I just got off the phone with my mother, who most of you have heard from me to be a psychic. Well she was telling me a crazy thing that happened to her this past weekend involving my dead grandfather. I am starting to believe I belong to a family whose women have supernatural powers.Now I know most of you are probabaly rolling your eyes, but I cannot deny what I know about myself and about my female relatives, specifically my mother and my grandmother. I do not know why now my intuition has become as strong as it has, or why it happens to be passed on through the generations, but to me, I see it as a gift from the women in my family. Call me crazy, or whatever eles your thinking, but I have experiance in this and believe that I know and feel things that most people dont. I could give you a list of examples, but I will keep these to myself to protect the many people who directly or indirectly have been affected by this sense of mine. So to those of you in the future, if I ever tell you something, you might want to take my word for it, because I think that as I grow older, this sense will also grow, and I just might be right.

"...not everything in this magical world is quite what it seems.."

Since I was forced to stay in my room and read, I decided to make things more plesant and put on my headphones. I had recently burned a mix of classical music and that was my first choice. And well, it was really hard to concentrate on Marx when all I wanted to do was to pretend I was a water droplet. You may not understand this if you didnt attened a symphony with me in 5th grade. During the symphony they told us to close our eyes and pretend we were a water droplet. It was one of the most amazing things of my life and since then, anytime I hear classical music, I become a water droplet. Music seems to get inside of me, it brings a calm over me. There have been many a times where on my way to class I completely fade out of reality and dont wake up till im sitting in class. A whole half hour goes by without me noticing just because Im listening to music. Very cool.



"...sometimes I think you want me to touch you...."