I just got off the phone with my mother, who most of you have heard from me to be a psychic. Well she was telling me a crazy thing that happened to her this past weekend involving my dead grandfather. I am starting to believe I belong to a family whose women have supernatural powers.Now I know most of you are probabaly rolling your eyes, but I cannot deny what I know about myself and about my female relatives, specifically my mother and my grandmother. I do not know why now my intuition has become as strong as it has, or why it happens to be passed on through the generations, but to me, I see it as a gift from the women in my family. Call me crazy, or whatever eles your thinking, but I have experiance in this and believe that I know and feel things that most people dont. I could give you a list of examples, but I will keep these to myself to protect the many people who directly or indirectly have been affected by this sense of mine. So to those of you in the future, if I ever tell you something, you might want to take my word for it, because I think that as I grow older, this sense will also grow, and I just might be right.

"...not everything in this magical world is quite what it seems.."

Since I was forced to stay in my room and read, I decided to make things more plesant and put on my headphones. I had recently burned a mix of classical music and that was my first choice. And well, it was really hard to concentrate on Marx when all I wanted to do was to pretend I was a water droplet. You may not understand this if you didnt attened a symphony with me in 5th grade. During the symphony they told us to close our eyes and pretend we were a water droplet. It was one of the most amazing things of my life and since then, anytime I hear classical music, I become a water droplet. Music seems to get inside of me, it brings a calm over me. There have been many a times where on my way to class I completely fade out of reality and dont wake up till im sitting in class. A whole half hour goes by without me noticing just because Im listening to music. Very cool.



"...sometimes I think you want me to touch you...."

Greetings from Santa Cruz!
my life is not mine anymore, it belongs to the university. So I finally was able to sneak away for a little while and let you all know that Im still alive. School sucks, I hate 2 of the 3 classes Im taking, which isnt surprising since Ive always hated math and plants. Thank God for sociology. I never thought I would be reading Marx for a class, its wonderful. My kids have yet to do something bad, so thats a relief, but I never thought that you would have to tell an 18 yr old to be quiet several times( everday) or to stop doing skateboard tricks in their room or to quit stealing dishes from the dining hall, or to smoke in designated areas or to quit playing basketball at 3 am and to keep their keys on them. I thought at 18 you were suppose to be an adult. Oh well, at least its just little things. Another aspect of my life is my research, which so far has gone well. Although all I am doing is making my bacteria genetic library, its kinda cool to be doing my own research. Vibrio cholerea rocks!!! Another chunk of of my life,is devoted to my clubs, which at our last SHAC meeting, there were all guys, and thats pretty impressive, I knew I was too beautiful to stay away from. CHE is still a wreak, all the core members have conflicting scheduals and so setting up a meeting time is tough. As for a social life, it consits of constant contact with my freshies, who, are not all that bad, they're pretty cool, and one of my kids knows Trungs sister, cool huh? Well, must go, Calculus calls, and I must start my half hour voyage to class. Everyone stay sane. I will try to do the same.

"...Inside you, time moves..."

Well Im upset so this is where Im going to vent. A girl was found on campus unconsious Friday night. She was found by a proctor and was sent to the hospital because she was totally unresponsive. She reported that she only had 1/2 a beer and 3 shots which of course is not enough to render you unconcious so its is assumed that she was slipped something. Sure enough she attended a frat party, a frat that has been known to brag about their date rape conquests. Ok, for those of you in a frat in SC, you(sorry if your not) are all idiots!! You are so not accepted in the first place here so why make yourselves more nauseating!! And how am I suppose to find a decent man when I have to worry about scum like you!! It makes me want to vomit. I just dont understand how people can be that way. I always felt very safe here, and now because some idiots happen to attend this school as well, I have to watch my back and my friends back to make sure we're not being preyed upon. Disgusted is the only word that I can think of to discribe my feelings towards these people. Frat boys suck just as much as calculus. And thats the worst insult because I dont hate anything more then calculus!! Friends be careful out there, I dont need to hear anymore bad news. I love you

"...Ill wash the streets from your skin when you come home..."

Im back!! Ill be a good girl and keep this at a reasonable legnth this time. I am really starting to appreciate this whole RA thing . It's not the free room and board thats got me all giddy, but all the wonderful things Ive been exposed to because of it. I have met some really great people and seen some really cool stuff that is offered here. I am now starting to believe that I attend a really awesome school, and fortunate for me, nobody outside of SC knows that. Last night I went to the GLBT center ( Gay, Lesbian, Bi and Transgender) and learned all about the subject, met some cool people and found a really cool space to just hang out. Plus its got a full kitchen, what more can you ask for? College has been a huge eye opener for me. Coming from a very conservative town, and then arriving here, its just amazing how much I really dont know. And no matter how much further I go in my quest for knowledge, I think I will always believe that. Very, very cool. Merrill College rocks. Not only does it house the most gorgeous girl on campus, it is home to places like the GLBT center, the radio station KZSC, the Peace Core, the Pottery Co-op, EnviroMerrill and has its own taqueria. I dont know why they call it Sterile Merrill. We have the coolest resources and because of Heart Attack hill, the nicests asses on campus. How can anyone complain. Ahhh, Santa Cruz, once the subject my inner torument, now where I call home. Dont worry all you SD folk, I will always be a San Diegan at heart, but I think, after all these years, Ive finally found my place here. How can one not feel so welecomed to a place where not only the people are friendly but so are the deer! And the be surrounded by the most magnificent species of trees. Did you know that redwoods get 90% of their water from fog? Isnt that so cool!! Ok, Ill stop, I think Im scaring some people, dont worry, Im just in a good mood.

".....ohh you creep up like the clouds and you set my soul at ease..."

As a junior( omg) now in college, I realize that junior year in college is reminding me of my junior year in high school. It was the crackdown year, the hardest year, the one that counted. Well Im now taking upper division in almost all of my classes, which is a dream come true considering the hell that intro classes have put me through. And I will begin working on my thesis in october and checking out med/grad schools, and practicing for the GRE and MCAT. Wow. Not to mention that I am in charge of 32 freshmen, and a core member of a club for the health center, plus a 20 yr old just trying to have some fun in the mists of all this that will effect the rest of my life. Pretty heavy huh. I am still debating on my 5th year or year off, there are many pros and cons, and well, as usually I am totally "passionate" about it all. Not only am I freaking out about my graduation date, I have been debating on what I want to do with my degree. For as long as I can remember, Ive wanted to be a doctor. But now research has its claws in me, and my research has me particullary excited and confused. For those of you who dont know, I am doing research on the bacteria that caused cholera. Its isnt dangerous as long as I dont eat it, so if you come to visit me in lab, make sure you wash your hands. I have always been really interested in infectious diseases, and dreamed of working for the CDC, particularly working in different countries and doing field research. The problem with science, and I guess with a college education in general is that you are exposed to so many different things that your dreams and goals change from year to year. My professor was right, I am more confused then when I came to SC. Enough about that, i will think about it tomorrow ( good ol' Scarlett) . Anyways as of yet, my kids are pretty good. The only problems I have encountered are quiet hours violations and a girl who has a mattress that makes her sick. At this moment Im knocking on wood because I dont know how much longer these kids are gonna act like angles. Lets just hope that they all really are angles and this is no act. HaHa. You may be wondering how I can possible come up with all this stuff to say, I am the reigning blabber mouth amongst my cirlce of freinds and I dont know if I should take that as a compliment or as an insult. I think my ability to ramble on FOREVER, makes me more personable which is why I have more friends then my ex- roomies, althought I dont know why, because I think they are all pretty cool. Anyways, my explanation for my unatural talent is due to the fact that my brain is a workaholic. Althought the brain is a workaholic naturally, i think some of the areas of my brain are working overtime, making all these thoughts, ideas and just plain jumble come out through my hands and onto the keyboard. Unfortunately you all( at least those of you who made it this far) most likely have to deal with me on a daily basis, which, has lead some people to become cliniclly insane, but I mean well, I love all of you and just want to give of myself all that I can. Well good luck in school all you, Ill shut up now, not because I want to but because my animals are beckoning me to close the window because like crazy Santa Cruz weather, it has gone from 80 degrees to 40. I love you

"....Ill give a little bit, Ill give a little bit of my life for you..."

Hello Everyone!!!
Im back and have lots to say! I have just gone through two weeks of some very interesting training. As some of you may know, I am an RA this year. The first week was rather chill, more just getting to know each other (the other RA's). The next week was much harsher and we were out and about from 9 am to 9 pm, and afterwords scrambled to muster up creative juices to make door decks,which ended up using all my paint, but came out ( in my opinion) kinda cool. I used to think that 2 weeks was a pretty short time. But in the two weeks Ive been here, i have learned and seen more then I have in the 2 years that Ive been here. Rather interesting stuff at that. So when I thought i would just be learing about policy and how to handle my kids, I learned a lot about myself and other people in a group. This has been the second time Ive been in the situation were I am put into a group and spend every waking hour with them. And this group is much different from my internship group, and in a way I think they are different in a better way. I could go into a full fledged essay on this subject, but i will save it for my journal. Anyways, I am enjoying my single, an advantage to my RAing, and have it fully crammed with so much stuff I still find myself looking at my walls with interest. I have almost covered every inch of my walls, an accomplishment in my eyes. My hall has now reached full occupency and so I am know longer creeped out when I make my way to the bathroom. My residents seem pretty cool, I of course have my potential trouble makers, but their 18 yr old boys, so I guess its just somehting I should expect. My training was frist put into action when I was awaken at 8:30 am the other day to help one of my male students put his earing in, which he had difficulty with because it had closed up in the back. Super RA to the rescue!!!! Well school will start on wed. so I am making sure that I enjoy the recently empty days, which has involved walking along West Cliff and eathing mexican food(my favorite pastime) Ahhh. Well Ill shut up. Have a good day, Love ya

"...just a day, just an ordinary day..."

Ahhh, one more week. It will be quite a week at that. I am gonna be running around none stop. First there is work of course, then there are those damn write ups, meetings with professors, packing, socializing, a bbq, and the John Mayer concert. Yes!! I love being busy. I have now been considering a 5th year of school. I know that sounds pretty crappy, but the way I look at it is that I can take my time with my classes, take my advanced ochem like I wanted and go abroad. Plus I can spend more time with my research, which is always a good thing. I have gotten two three replys from different professors I want to work with. One works with cyclic peptides, one with heme, and the other with mammalian brain development. We'll see what happens. On another note, Im really getting tired of all this moving junk. I had to move out of my apt when school ended, then move into The Village for my internship, now I got to movie out of The Village and then into my room for the school year. Because of all of this Ive decided to get a P.O Box, plus the campus mail system sucks. Well thats about it. This will be the last of these blogs for a while, probably not till Sept. I got better things to do when I go home, like spending money I dont have. Well ttyl. Love you

"...Whisper me away from you..."

This week has really made me think, in a diffferent way of course, which is why Im choosing to write about it. Unlike the other weeks of my internship, this week has nothing to do with lab. Instead we are learning how to write about ourselves. For us science majors, writing about ourselves happens only twice. Once, when we apply for college and second when we apply for graduate school/med school. Which is why most of us were trembling with nervouseness at the thought of this week. But it has been quite an experiance for me so far and its only been the second day. Normally my bragging skills are bordering pathetic. Of course I know Im a good person and I am at least moderately intelligent, but try to sell yourself to someone who has read the same thing 5 million times before reading it in your statement. Graduate school/med school has got me shaking in my boots. It was said that 35,000 students applied for med school last year and only 16,000 got in. Yikes. Makes you do some deep meditation about what the hell your gonna do to make yourself look amazing.After doing some quick writes and participating in conversation, I think I am seriously ready to kick some personal statement butt. I have a rough draft due at the end of the week, and although I plan to make it a damn good statement, I have yet to start on it, and on 2 other lab write ups for that matter. Wow, my motivation dies quick. But I have made a resolution and plan on doing some serious studying these next two years. You might think Im crazy for thinking about the next 2 years, but like I said I am very "passionate" and anything that keeps my attention for more then 5 minutes is dwelled upon until it cant be processed another way, EVER. Ahh the mind of Selena. I think if someone tried to study my brain, I would wear them out. My neurons and axons are at constant motion, not only to keep my heart beating but to figure out what the hell all this Stuff means. "Stuff" meaning life. I have changed my mind about things so many times, made so many lists, and scheduals, I dont even know which ones are the most recent, which then produces a new list a new decision or a new schedual. Maybe if I put half the energy I did thinking about random stuff, into my education, I might not be as stressed out as I am. Baby steps people, its all about baby steps. As for my life outside my brain, the weather has finally cleared up and since I have no lab I have taken advatage of it and am getting some use out of my sandles and summer clothes. I have two more weeks left and am looking forward for the very brief visit home (Grignard misses me) Well I will stop my rambiling (believe me, I could write more) Everyone stay safe, Happy Summer, Love you

"....there goes the fear.."